DAY 12 on Champix

After going the whole day yesterday without having a cigarette, I woke this morning remembering that I had not taken the 2nd Champix tablet last night!

I felt a bit like having a coffee and cigarette before starting my day.  Luckily it is rubbish day and I needed to fill the rubbish bag, it usually takes me a month to fill but I had put a dead bird in the bag, naughty cats!  So I spent the next hour cleaning out my car for rubbish and went around the house finding things to throw away.  I still sat down after that for an attempt at a relaxing coffee and cigarette but I became disinterested in the cigarette part and put it on the ground unfinished to free my hands up to give one of my fur babies loads of pats, as he had jumped onto my lap 🙂

I am going to go back to the last few days in this blog as I have not blogged about this since day 7 and a lot has been going in in my mind and body over the last few days.

DAY 7 was Friday.  I went to the stop smoking clinic and found out this empty feeling is normal.  Because the Champix is working, I can no longer go into a relaxing zone when smoking a cigarette, not even when I am having a drink.  That’s another thing, I no longer enjoy having a drink either.  This is exactly what I wanted to happen, no willpower or stress, just goodbye addictions, but it left me feeling disorientated and anxious that I may not be able to find that happy place and if so I could go insane!! lol

DAY 8 was Saturday.  I took the offer up to go to a party with my good friend of many years. She also is on the quit journey and prior to Friday night had stopped cold turkey for a week.  Well done xOx We took a couple of drinks each and our cigarettes…As soon as we arrived we got chatting to a long time friend of hers and chatted for ages.  The first half of my first drink went down fine, until I lite up a cigarette.  I started to feel yuck and burdened by smoking.  My drink was difficult to finish and I didn’t feel myself for a while.  Even though everyone who knew me at the party would have known that I smoke, I myself did not feel myself, even though I have smoked on and off for most of my life…  I hope you understand what I am trying to articulate 🙂

After the party I drove my good friend’s, friend’s car as she could not drive home at the minute.  On the way driving her to our friends house we chatted and when we got there she told me that she had smoked for a few years up to 21 years old.  She said she couldn’t really stand the smell and it gave her a headache.  Well I felt a bit bad because even after all these years of leaving the cigarettes behind her, here we were years later smoking in front of her at a party.  I assured her that I probably wouldn’t need to have another tonight, even though that was what myself and my good friend would normally have done, sit on the deck with a cup of tea and have another cigarette.  Instead we sat in the kitchen, eating crackers and cheese together, no cigarette in sight and still chatted and it felt very nice and not yucky at all like it would have on the deck surrounded by smoke.

DAY 9 was Sunday.  I had to drive home  in the middle of the night so I could wake up at 6:30 am and let my chicken girls out of their night coop.  After getting only 3 1/2 hours sleep, I was quite tired.  My son was at his dads, no other urgent matters needed tending to, so I decided to go back to bed.  I woke again, chatted to my friend on the phone and then watched some motivational youtube videos and went back to sleep again.  I did this twice throughout the day, which is not normal for me, sleeping during the day.  I know I was tired from lack f sleep but normally I would just get up, have another cigarette and a coffee, then repeat that all day.  Today was different.  I could feel what my body and mind wanted, without the confusion of nicotine and caffeine stimulants it wanted to rest, recover and rejuvenate, so that is what I did.

Later that day my son asked to stay another night at dads, I agreed and to make the most of the last night alone I got a bottle of wine.  It didn’t taste good and neither did the cigarettes.  While I was at the supermarket picking up my wine, there was a guy outside begging for money for food.  I did not approach him and he was moved on by supermarket staff.  It made me sad though.  Whatever his issue was he was asking for help and I don’t think the world should be that way.  I put up a post on a local facebook page and as it turns out my son and I will be volunteering next Monday to help prepare a free Christmas dinner for those in need / low income families.  I also have clarity in my thinking about how to possibly solve this problem that we have in our community.  So all the reflection and rest today could have been the calm before the storm because now I know, the only way to replace cigarettes is to take action on other things.  I mean help change the world to a place I am proud of and that I feel good about.  Light bulb moment, I truly believe the reason I started smoking was because I did not like what I was seeing in the world and what better way to solve that problem so I should never feel the need to smoke again and neither should anyone else.  There has to be a better way !! 🙂

DAY 10 was Monday.  I felt quite nauseous on Monday.  That is one of the side effects of Champix.  I have been taking tablets after food as suggested, in the morning after a bowl of porridge and having the 2nd tablet after dinner but nausea had arrived anyway.  I boiled some grated ginger root and had the broth in my water which helped a little.

As well as nausea, I felt tired, sluggish, unable to find anything that would motivate me or make me feel satisfied.  Stuck in a no mans land.  No longer able to smoke for satisfaction but no longer able to find satisfaction for any length of time in anything else, food, activities, although I have not tried to jog yet.  Another side effect of Champix can be depression and also to the point of having suicidal thoughts…mmm…I feel pretty safe from suicidal thoughts but reflecting back on how I felt on Monday, tired after sleeping on and off all Sunday, could I have been depressed on Monday, possibly even Sunday.  If so, why?  Could it be that thinking I could not find anything to satisfy me was making me slightly depressed or is that how you feel when you are depressed…wow

Would depression be a side effect directly from the chemicals in Champix or could it be from stopping smoking when smoking has been a crutch all these years.  A crutch from falling over at all of the awful things that happen on Earth multiple, untold times every single day.

“Every 10 seconds, a child dies from hunger” while “One-third of the food produced around the world is never consumed”
“Over 56 billion farmed animals are killed every year by humans. These shocking figures do not even include fish and other sea creatures whose deaths are so great they are only measured in tonnes.”

“Of the 3.2 million egg-laying chickens in New Zealand, eighty-two per cent are caged.”

“Military Spending in the United States. In fiscal year 2015, military spending is projected to account for 54 percent of all federal discretionary spending, a total of $598.5 billion.”

Only “$30 billion per year is needed to end world hunger”

Isn’t it about time we looked at stopping war, if I can take a tablet to stop smoking/killing myself then surly people around the world can do something to stop killing each other!!!

I sometimes fear that my stop smoking plight will not end until all these problems and more are solved but I really hope that I can stop smoking on the promise that I will do everything within my reach to help correct these ridiculous flaws on Earth…not with passion, but obsession as mentioned by Brendon Burchard below 🙂